Maternal instinct? 3 Myths About Motherhood That Might Surprise You

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Maternal instinct? 4 Myths About Motherhood That Can Surprise YouReproduction

Who hasn’t heard of maternal instinct? Over the centuries, the role of the mother was shaped by the dominant social structures, in which childbearing and childcare were tasks assigned exclusively to women. Nowadays, many mothers take a stand against the romanticization of motherhood, seeking to demystify the stigmas that surround the subject.

One problem related to the idea of maternal instinct is the belief that if this condition exists, women must necessarily seek motherhood in order to achieve fulfillment – this includes the pressure to achieve perfection in this role.

Then arises the problem of compulsory motherhood, defined as the result of sociocultural practices that lead women to become or wish to be mothers, often without this truly representing a personal choice.

A study conducted by researchers at the University of São Paulo (USP) reveals that 97% of mothers report feeling overwhelmed almost every day of the week. The “From Mother to Mother” survey, which interviewed 800 volunteers, also indicates that 94% of them feel worn out by performing the job.

The reasons behind these complaints are related to the excess demands that mothers have to deal with on a daily basis. This phenomenon can be associated with the so-called ‘triple shift’, in which women face simultaneous demands related to childcare, home and work.

For Carolina Izidro, mother of Sócrates, a student of social work, and an activist for real motherhood, the maternal instinct is a myth created in the social sphere that tends to frustrate the mother after the shock of reality.

“The maternal instinct is often talked about as if it were an additional meaning given to us, just because we were born female, and also because of the glamorization of motherhood, the thought that it is something that comes in the combo of when you become a mother and appear there out of nowhere. The slogan ‘when a baby is born, a mother is born’ is sold a lot, a totally flimsy discourse. The correct one would be: ‘A mother is born, a guilt is born,'” she reflects. 

See 3 more myths about motherhood

Unconditional love

The nine months before the birth of the baby are a unique moment, in which the idealization of motherhood is more present than the reality itself. In this context, the person lives a period of connection with the fetus, the preparation to receive it, but which does not necessarily translate into an immediate unconditional love. That feeling may never come.

Given this, it is not uncommon for mothers to report that it took them a while to start loving their children. For Carolina Izidro, Sócrates’ mother, unconditional love is yet another “invented nonsense”.

In addition, the activist reflects that the theme is used to coerce women to experience motherhood. “A woman can love a friend, a brother, a pet, a profession, love is everything that makes you move forward for something or someone. This is another thing sold by society, which makes women think that they will only be complete after they become mothers.”

Who 

hasn’t witnessed sibling arguments over who is their mother’s favorite son? As much as the subject is often treated in a playful way, it is important to emphasize that the mother’s relationship with each child is unique and differentiated, and can indeed make the mother have more affinity for one of them.

“Parents develop a unique bond with each child, based on shared interactions and care over time. Love is expressed in different ways, adapting to the individual needs of each child,” says Greice Potrick, an expert in positivist psychology. 

Pregnancy is a beautiful moment

Among several generations, the idea circulates that pregnancy is an incredible, beautiful and enchanting moment. The sensation may be true for some women, but it is by no means the rule. 

It is necessary to take into account that, during the months in which the fetus is in the belly, the woman goes through several hormonal and physiological processes that often make the period uncomfortable and not at all charming.

“It’s important to recognize that the experience of pregnancy can vary from woman to woman and even for the same woman in different pregnancies. Each woman experiences pregnancy in a unique way, influenced by a variety of factors, including her physical and emotional health, social support, cultural background, and previous experiences. For some women, pregnancy can be a positive and rewarding experience, while for others it can be challenging and stressful,” says psychologist Greice Potrick.

She also draws attention to the fact that not all women feel instantly connected or emotionally prepared for motherhood during pregnancy, or even after, and it’s important to recognize and validate this variety of feelings.

“Women often face societal pressures and cultural expectations around motherhood, such as the idea that they should feel radiant and always happy, and this may not happen. Each human being is unique in their experiences and experiences, it is essential to recognize the complexity and diversity of this”, adds Greice Potrick.

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