The time you spend with a dog is really incredible and they are great moments in the company of the furry ones. But unfortunately, their life expectancy is, on average, 15 years and it is important to offer the best for the aging pet.
It is important to live through grief, how long until adopting a new pet?
The moment of saying goodbye to a pet, for many people, is like a family member is leaving. That’s why it’s always important to have all the support you can.
When this happens, each person may react in a different way, some believe that they will never have another pet, while others want to adopt a new pet so that it fills the empty space left by the one that is gone.
For both cases, there are pros and cons. As studies have already proven, dogs have an immense social value for people and create a great bond of affection and companionship and cats are considered as children by many people who don’t even think they have a child. When a pet leaves, at first, it is common not to know how to deal with feelings.
Psychologist Shana Wajntraub explains that experiencing grief before looking for a “substitute” is a way to give meaning to the experience you had with the animal. “It’s transforming sadness into nostalgia and allowing yourself to experience life without another animal right away, looking for a new meaning in this new scenario,” she says.
Many people are quite attached to pets and feel intense pain when they die, and adopting a new pet seems like the most obvious solution. However, as painful as it may be, the grieving process is essential to be able to move on with a new life after the loss.
For the psychologist, the danger of “substituting” is that the person does not allow himself to live the experience of ludo, which is necessary and healthy in our lives and makes us understand that everything has an end.
“Knowing how to face this experience and deal with it is important. Perceiving finitude teaches us to live each moment more whole, knowing that everything is fleeting and that everything is fine. Since that’s the case, let’s enjoy the good things in this world,” he reflects.
Research has shown that, currently, the number of pets in homes already exceeds the number of children and, although in the past animals were more used in functions such as hunting – and cats considered mystical beings in several cultures – over the years a purely emotional bond has been established.
The right time to have a new pet is linked to one’s emotions. However, it is necessary to keep in mind that each animal is a unique individual, being different from each other, and that trying to put a new pet in its place, in order to resume the one you had with the previous one, is not indicated and can harm life with the new pet.
The psychologist says that it is a risk to try to reproduce something from the past in an identical way, and that it can often cause frustration and even more confusion.
“As said, each being is unique and the best way to deal with this is to know how to be open to receiving this other being in an integral way. In other words, it is essential to let the experience of the old pet settle, to create a place of its own for it in your memory. Then, try to get to know yourself better on your own so that in the future you can receive another pet without so many expectations associated with the previous one”, advises the psychologist.
Many people put the same name as the lost animal on the new pet, even adopting a pet of the same breed, which may not be good even for the animal itself, which will not be able to be the same as the one that was in its place previously. Some experts advise that the best option is for the person to choose a new animal that is completely different in breed, sex, or color.
For Wajntraub, the important thing is to listen to yourself and give meaning to the experience of grief, talking to family members, expressing what you feel and remembering the good times together. “It’s important to remember in a positive way about the whole experience with the pet that’s gone, to know that you made them happy and that you gave them all the love you can. Remember, no one lives forever, and what matters is whether he was able to be happy in the time he was here,” he says.
The psychologist also reminds us that it is important to have patience, because some feelings only time helps to heal. For her, the person must “allow themselves to experience new things, go out a little to see that the world is still out there, feel that the love they had for the pet will be very well received by other beings in this world”, and says “I’m sure that the pet [who is gone] would be happy if the tutor could also take care of other animals as he took care of him, And that he will also be able to receive a lot of affection from other pets”.
Each animal is special in its own way and it is important that one can provide a home to another animal in need and that the absence of the departed animal, over time, will turn into fond memories.
“Nostalgia is a feeling that doesn’t go away, it just relieves it. But nostalgia means that you and your partner were happy. Finitude is part of the process, everything will end one day. In view of this, what really matters is to know that everything that happened was well lived and was done in the best way. In the end, the most important thing is that all of us, humans and animals, can have an enjoyable experience in this world, even if it is fleeting. And knowing that this was possible brings relief,” concludes the psychologist.
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